Saturday, March 14, 2009

2 Years Later

*Umm it's actually been two years, so yeah....I can't count. I think I have a learning disorder.*

It's been two years since I started out on this endevour. Just to fill you in, I moved with my family to the Midwest because of some stuff that happened. I lived out there with them for two months and the first chance I got I came back home to L.A. Initially I came back
to go to a comic book convention and then it turned into something else.

So here I am. On my own, living at friends houses in a sleeping bag hustling to survive and carve out a nitch for myself. My life has changed dramatically and I can say that I'm a better person than I use to be. I'm more self conscious of my actions, the people I surround
myself with and of my community. It's like night and day really.

This blog reflects a lot of what I've gone through and the changes I made in my life. To think that in these past three years I have accomplished more than in my 24 years of life. Better late than never right ? But at the same time I feel empty and alone. I look at the
people around me and less than a hand full are people I would call
friends. The rest are just people I know.

I stop and think that if I worked full time things would be a lot easier for me, that's not why I came back. I came back to look after Harley and to finish school. I'm the first generation everything in my family so there's a certain amount of pressure on me. Not only that but I want
to accomplish what my parents set out for me to do, which is to become something more than just another random person in the world.

I know that wasn't their intent, but that's what it's turned into for me. I have to live up to that prophecy and make real the dreams of my parents. Even though there are times like today in which I feel like a failure, there are more days in which I know I'm making my parents proud.
It's frustrating when things don't change for the better when we want them to, but that's the way life is.

I'm still learning to unbrain wash what has been instilled in me by society and pop culture. I notice that I focus too much on what others do when I should worry about myself and loved ones. My perception on things is also changing for the better and everyday is a new
adventure. Life just becomes a little too routine and inner bored. It's been three years since I left to make it on my own with the help of friends and loved ones. I have accomplished a lot of amazing things I thought I would never do.

Now as I look toward the future I can only imagine what else I'm going
to accomplish and who I'll meet in my travels. Here's to another year.

~ con safos ~

2 comments:

Somfolnalco said...

I came up on your blog, about 4-5 months ago, by sheer happenstance. Ever since then i have been following it with a religious fervor, for you see, you've become an inspiration to me.

In my own experience, i feel tied down and impotent. And i limit myself a lot, usually justifying it with my "illegal" status.

ButI see how you are doing your own thing, moving forward against insurmountable odds, and still manage to have that optimistic and open point of view.

we all deal with this bullshit in our own ways, but you seem to do so with strength, determination and humor.

and for that, my friend you are no failure. I guess your title is more fitting than you thought, Random Hero.


-Gabe

El Random Hero said...

Thanks