Friday, June 12, 2009

Balance

I believe in balance. When there's too much of one thing it has to be
evened out so both sides are even. When an individual has balance in
there life, things are good, happy and positive all around. For me,
balance is something that aludes me because just when I think I have
it, I see other wise and stride to find real balance rather than
something superficial and temporary.

It's equivilant exchange. In order to gain, something of equal value
must be lost. A simple rule that can change lives drastically. At the
moment I'm questioning what balance I have in my life. I recieved a
letter in the mail letting me know how much $$ I would recieve for a
scholarship I got and blogged about. It's going to make things easier
at school.

So I question this kind fate bestowed unto me. Did I reaaly do
something to deserve it ? Why me and not someone who might really need
that $$ more than me ? Those are some of the questions I ask myself.
Am I worthy and deserving of this ? Just a few minutes ago someone
special someone said they don't want to hear me selling myself short
outside of jokes. Since I opened the letter I've been thinking about
this.

For me it's the fact that I can do more and that I can do better than
what I'm currently doing that makes me doubt myself. When I stop and
think about what I did today besides my laundry and it's safe to say I
earned what I have. I proved that I'm worthy of being a scholarship
recipiant because other people see that in me, but I don't.

In my life, I have been acustomed to the negativity of others,
including my parents, that not thinking and even feeling that way is
strange and unnerving. A fish outta water for la k of a better term.
It's only now that I have better understanding of how things are and
what I do that I know better. I know that being proud of your work is
nothing to feel bad about, hide or keep away from everyone.

Of course in doing so you open yourself up to getting an inflated ego
and all that good stuff, but with great people around you keeping you
in check, guiding you and supporting you, that path can be avoided.
It's only now with further understanding of how things are that
negative energy can be tossed aside because it's not wanted. It's hard
to be negative when you have possitive people around you.
~ con safos ~

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