Saturday, October 31, 2009

Ahh you're back ....

.... to that place you know so well. Its been a long time since you've
been here for the reasons you are here now. At this point I don't need
to explain the proper procedures to help you get through this. In
fact, yes.... I can see in your eyes that you've matured since the
last time. (Chuckles) haha not only that but I can see that you've
gained some more girth to your body mass. It's ok my friend, the good
life has a few set backs.

I won't ask for the details of your return friend. I know you want to
respect the other party and even though your heart and mind are filled
with scorn, rage and blinding passion to punch a hole through the
wall, by the way.... You still haven't payed me back for that last
episode. You'd swear the place was Swiss cheese. Don't worry, I
already put it on your tab. (Gives a heart felt smile)

Tell me my friend.... You've had quite a few new adventures and
epphiphanies in your journey yes ? I can't wait for you to regail me
with those adventures. I also see that you have less hate in your
heart my friend. Yes.... That's it. Hahaha yes I can see you've gottan
away from the path of darkness it was leading you on. What's that you
say !? Speak up my young friend these ears aren't what they use to be.

School !? Ahh I can see that you are maturing. Yes school has played
an incrimental part in dealing with those anger issues of yours. Good
for you my friend. No sense going trough life angry at the things you
can't control. You do what you can with what you have. My hat goes off
to you. So now what my friend ? Where do you plan on going ? No, I
know you too well. Your going to let the winds take you where you need
to be right ? Hahaha of course I'm right. I can read you like a book.
In fact, it pains me to say this but I saw your return when the winds
were going berserk a few days ago. Like you, I too look to nature to
know when thins are going to change.

It's obvious that you are exausted friend, please let me fix you your
favorite meal. It will calm your spirits. I can tell by the bags on
your back and to your side that you are carrying a bigger burden thatn
when you first came.( Grabs hand and looks into eyes) I am proud of
you friend. Most people would have, being selfish, would have ignored
and left behind such weight. I know you are not alone in this burden
friend because even though these weights you carry hold a lot of
personal ties, you understand that you are a small part in what may
become one of the biggest movements in our life times. Keep strong my
friend, the road is hard and even though you are here again, use this
time to reflect and to continue growing. Never ever stop growing and
holding yourself back.

(Looks to wall) Ohh my hahaha, look at the time. It's getting late. Go
on my friend. I will help you carry your bags up the stairs.
Everything is as you left, but of course you are more than welcomed to
change things to feel more at home. Heart break is not easy to get
over, but from just looking into your eyes when you came through the
door, I could see that you have matured. It's only natural right
friend ? You are older and you have more of that peskie white hair.
Enough talk, let's get you settled and I'll fire up that stove eh ? I
look around the place, gaze at my hand for a moment and say, "Thank
you friend, but alas I won't be here that long. In fact, I'm leaving
at the break of light. As you can see.... there are matters bigger
than me that need my attention. I cannot dwell here like I did before.
There is work to be done. People to meet. Stories to write. Reading to
do. My heart aches at the moment yes, but it'll pass. Thank you for
the support friend. It will not be invaine."

~ con safos ~

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Change for the better

Things have been better than they have ever been, least compared t othe living situation I was in before. The simple things of having a bed again, being able to watch TV, which I havent done regularly in 2 years and not dealing with my friends family drama. I feel re-energized since I moved back. I'm still hella busy with school stuff, which is why the writing has slowed down here a bit, except that last post I wrote from my phone. Other than that, my mind hasn't had the chance to wonder off like it usually does about what I see. That I since I moved out of my friends house, I no longer see problems that I use to notice because his sisters would drop of their kids, 6 of them total, with grandma. My dad is doing what he can trying to start up another business and my mom is doing her thing with tamales. This morning I spent a few moments withher and someone reconized her. She's been gone almost 3 years and people still remember her and her food. They missed her is what one womansaid this morning. Things aren't perfect, they never will be, but we're all happy. Least happier than we were before.


Saturday, October 24, 2009

Dilly of a pickle

I'll get to the point this time around, I'm depressed. I think I've
mentioned before how I have this cycle of depression. It's goes from
bliss to apathy and right about, I'm getting toward the bottom of the
barrel. You see, it's like this so far, school, the gf and moving in
back with my parental units have been going awesome. Everything was
going great, except just being exausted from school work and moving.

But as I've written before, all it takes is one pebble to cause a
murderous (sp ?) landslide that oblitirates everything good i have
going for me. Like anything else, this goes to back to the I don't
have papers cituation and resurects all of those feelings that get
shoved aside inorder for me to go about life normally. Whatever normal
is.

Yes I feel like complete and udder shit. Crap. Dookie. Caca. Popo.
Feces. Manour. Just plain sad, mad and bad. Hypothetically speaking,
I'm looking down the barrel of a shotgun right now and my future is
dependent on making one single decision. Course this happens everyday
but not at this caliber. The decision I have to make involves me being
subject to deportion if I don't do anything about. It's as serious as
it gets at this point and this isn't a cituation I wanna call a bluff
on.

This is gonna get worse before it gets before and it's gonna take a
toll on peeps around. That's why I isolate myself during these times.
This ain't no game and while I say things overconfidently and cockish
about people getting my back if I was in the deportation process and
seeking sanctuary at church, it's a real possibility that my ass is
grass. I can say details, but I gotta do something one way or another.
Not having papers sucks. It sucks all kinds of ass and balls.

I was talking to the gf about this and I told her that there has to be
someone willing to die and go down for the cause for the greater good
of everyone else. It takes one person to spur others, but at a
tremendous sacrifice to himself and his loved ones. I told her that
maybe I would have to make that kind of decision. That I would have to
step up and be a marter (sp ?) for the cause of undocumented students
like me. Do I have it in me to take it that far ? To sacrafice myself
for everyone else ? It's a possibility along with a billion others.
Only time will tell right ?

~ con safos ~

Friday, October 16, 2009

Movimiento

Did I spell that right ? It's 1 a.m. & lazy. A broken bottle of
tapatio. It's safe to say that the average Latin@ has enough of it in
them to last a couple of life times. Myself included :) No, as great
as bit sauce is, I am in one of those mOOds where I'm thinking too
much. How can i not, I'm moving back in with my parents. (FYI For the
last 2 yrs my family has been living in Utah. Due to the economic
crisis, they can no longer prosper over there and decided to move back
to L.A.)

It's funny when we go through things with a different set of eyes. My
parents moving is nothing new, they did it a lot when I was growing
up. Except that this time around, it just seems...more...repetitive.
You know how in the Matrix, Neo sees the matrix code in the real world
toward thre end of the movie and kills agent Smith ? Well that's kind
of how I see things NOW. I see the code that runs the world.

I have a ton of ideas and thoughts going through my brain, all having
to do with the parents moving back thing. I'll be at home, won't pay
rent, per say, be with my family and have a home. No longer will I
have to deal with the stuff I deal with at my friends house. God bless
them for helping me out but I don't wanna deal with their drama as well.

I'll be writing more about the move and thoughts that come up. Already
I see and realize things that I took for granted or may have over
looked. For starters my parents have WAY TOO MUCH crap to decorate the
house and make it pretty. Blah. I'll be sharing a room with my younger
sister as well. My other two sisters stayed behind in Utah. Yes life
shifting once again. I'll take on whatever comes our way, and when I
say "our," I meanme and my familia. I may have grievensas about them,
but sometimes we forget they're all we have in the end.

~ con safos ~

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Damn I write a lot


So what have I been up to the last couple of days ? Weeks to be more like it. Doing school work. Yes It keeps me rather busy and to prove it, here's my paper from Chicano Studies. It's 9 pages. Damn I write a lot.

Friday, October 09, 2009

Good....

...that we blind ourselves to see it in others because an eye for an
eye and a tooth for a tooth, leaves us blind and toothless.
Toothless smiles that I come across everyday from kids who eat too
much junk as their parents are killing themselves to live.
Live a life modeled after the upper class because they have never seen
someone from their land, from their hood, from their raza be anything
more than an empty vessel.
Vessel that's filled with water, which takes the form and shape of
whatever it needs to be.
Be true and listent o the world around you.
You forget that life happens everyday and that humming bird you saw
today was a sign that it was a very good day.
Day that you forget the most important date in your life and it all
starts to fall apart because of it.
It is nothing more than the barriors that you put on yourself, that
hold you back and keep you down because it's mind over matter.
Matter of time before you realize how much time and life you've wasted
in ventures that never panned out, but none the less you learned a
life lesson that is worth its weight in gold.
Gold teeth that I see on tv in peoples mouths because having yellow
teeth isn't enough.
Enough of that jibberish you tell you're self because it's not helping
anyone.
Anyone, like that person walking down the street who, if you smiled
to, would promote unconditional love.
Love that we all need from family, friends and even strangers walking
by.
By chum I think he's got it.
~ con safos ~

Friday, October 02, 2009

Commonalities

Did I spell that right !? Lazy to spell check. AAAAANNYYWWAAYYYY !!!!!
You've all noticed the slow down in writing right ? And I do intend to
reply to comments, eventually. Well less writing here means more
writing everywhere else. Yes school. I remember not so long ago I was
whinning about not doing anything. Now I'm up to my neck if work.

So with that being said, I incorpirate my work where ever I can to get
things done. As some of you read, I posted a DREAM Act opinion piecei
wrote, that I got some heat back from a reader to which I say, if the
world was an eye for and eye and a tooth for a tooth, we'd all end up
blind and toothless. Touché good sir.

Then on Tuesday I gave a 5-7 minute rant on the dream act. I saw rant
because I didn't prepare for it. I just went up there and said what I
knew. Which worked out awesome because one one person in the class
even heard about it :) The funny thing is that I was nervous and my
hands were shaking. Weird. Then a classmate that went after me talked
about her Chinese heritage. It was cool to hear her say that her
family immigrated Rotherham US and how it tied to things I mentioned
about how people immigrate for a better life. She was a perfect example.

I broke it down by giving the Superman is the ultimate illegal alien
analogy and lights went on. I saw their expressions and eyes almost
light up :) so yeah. Other than thati spend a good chunck of time
writing and developing photos for my b/w class. I'm making some GREAT
prints. The fumes get me a little buzzed :)

~ con safos ~