Saturday, January 09, 2010

Of two paths

Innevitably, for some people, we have to chose between going left or
right. Red pill ? Blue pill ? Jedi or Sith ? Pie or cake ? The choice
to go in one direction rather than the other because the direction you
chose is the want you want for yourself. To be more specific, for me
anyway, I'm at the cross roads of having to make the choice of being a
man, making a living, being responsible, generally getting things
done. Or do I continue on this idealistic, semi-bohemian life that is
rich beyond any thing that can be bought or touched.

This of course isn't a problem for some because they've chosen careers
that do offer them successand the kind of life they want. For me
however, I'm torn. Through my writing, I have brought attention not
only to myself, but my neighborhood. I have met people I wouldn't have
met other wise. People who keep influincing my life for the better.
Passing on wisdom and experience toward me. Things that not everyone
is blessed to have, but at what cost ?

I am essentially stuck, never moving beyond the position I'm in
because I'm not persuing ventures that will bring in more income,
rather than just writing for fun or as a service to the community. Do
I live the life of a struggling and starving artist and fulfill my
deepest desires or do I swallow it down, get a job, a place, a car,
junk to fill te house and call it a day ? Of course there's other
paths out there to be found and explored, but for the time being, this
is what's in front of me.

Do I continue being a community reporter, writing about what I see,
events happening, issues affecting the community and such ? How
selfless can one be before they start to injure themselves ? I thought
about something today. In olden times, a persons word was worth a
million bucks. It's all they needed because if you didn't have your
word, if you lied and played, your name would be black listed. Labeled
as a man who cannot keep his word and cannot be trusted.

These days, a persons word is worth bullshit until they earn it over
the years. Gain respect and paid their dues. Reporters and their words
are no longer valued as they once were. It's easy to buy someone off
really. So what are my words worth in the online world ? In the real
world ? Words won't pay bills. The thanks I get from people for
writing about them or people for helping them discover something new
or old.

If you go one way, you can be a man and make a living and get shunned
from the people who helped you get there. Hmm quite the pickle. And
it's not over by a long shot. I just had to put some words down to
free space. Left or right ? Fuck it, I'll go straight.

~ con safos ~

3 comments:

loveandhatela said...

follow your passion..if its writing go for it.
But you also have to be realistic- be an adult and be responsible- so if that means getting a real job then so be it.
And make writing your secondary "job".

We all have to make sacrifices to enjoy the benefits.

In the end no matter the place or thing- if your not comfortable n happy- whats the point? :)

life is too short for regrets

- so ya echale ganas

Somfolnalco said...

i too feel like i am infront of these cross roads. the path to grow up settle down and get the white picket fence, or the path to go to another country from year to year and just immerse in the culture.

i decided in my case time will tell

Pachuco 3000 said...

I was told once you need a vocation (job) and an avocation (hobby).

One would pay my bills cause my baby was on her way, and I could still DJ for the chump change that was being paid in those days. I chopped off my long hair and walked in all serious and got a job that I love. I was lucky.

There is a GREAT satisfaction that comes from being able to take care of yourself. It is even better sometimes than being patted on the back after a great DJ set.

We all have to make this choice. Some are lucky and can get paid very well doing what they love, for their passion. Most of us need to get something that supports us and keep at our passion that makes us feel alive. To only stay with something because it feels good is not being realistic if your other needs aren't being full filled.

So is life.